You’ll hear the dance of the kakatark before you see it.

Ever wondered what you’d be or do all day if you were a New Zealand native species? Well, just recall your name and date of birth, and follow the guide to create your own ‘species sentence’! For example, if your name is Sirocco Kakapo and you were born on the 23rd of March 1987, your sentence would be ‘I’m in love with fairy terns and my head grows bulbous because I snap my hairy pincers in the air and wave my feelers like I just don’t care.’

All parts of the sentences are based on characteristics and traits of New Zealand species, so mix and match them around to come up with your own ultimate Kiwi character.

Step one—what month is your birthday in?

January: I can’t stop thinking about
February: I look like
March: I’m in love with
April: I want to adopt
May: My feet smell like
June: I’m scared of
July: My laugh sounds like
August: My best friends are
September: My hair style resembles
October: I have the brains of
November: I compare myself to
December: I dance like

Step two—what day of the month is your birthday on?

Never get between an Albaru mother and her bulbous-headed hunting chick

1 – Elephant seals
2 – Kauri snails
3 – Whio
4 – Long tailed bats
5 – Great white sharks
6 – Takahē
7 – Tuatara
8 – Archey’s frogs
9 – Koaru
10 – New Zealand fur seals
11 – Humpback whales
12 – Giant bullys
13 – Pīwakawaka
14 – Kākā
15 – Tīeke
16 – Kārearea
17 – Yellow eyed penguins
18 – Mohua
19 – Kōkako
20 – Grand skinks
21 – Albatrosses
22 – Weta
23 – Fairy terns
24 – Maui’s dolphins
25 – Little penguins
26 – Kākāpō
27 – Eels
28 – Pāteke
29 – Kakī
30 – Ruru
31 – Rowi kiwi

Hey girls, d’you like my boom?

A–C: I’m too busy scoffing my face with hoho—Mmm.
D–F: I’m trying to attract the ladies with my boom hole in the ground.
G–J: I deserve an Oscar for my ‘pretending to be hurt’ performances to predators.
K–M: I’m actually a dinosaur—200 million years old!
N–P: Me and my harem girls flick sand over ourselves to keep cool.
Q–S: I snap my hairy pincers in the air and wave my feelers like I just don’t care.
T–V: Clever’s my middle name—I can swim and hunt within hours of being born. Boom.
W–Z: I get to sleep all winter and can use my wings as legs.