7 ways to ruin your summer holiday

A guide to getting set for summer by the Department of Conservation, inspired by true life occurrences. Yes, really.

By Jayne Ramage for the Department of Conservation.

There’s lots of research that shows telling people off for doing the wrong thing isn’t as effective as inspiring them to do the right thing. We try to be the nature-nurturing, wildlife-hyping, adventure-assisting presence on your feed and in your ears.

But sometimes stuff so mind-bending happens that we have to go back to the drawing board. We’ve decided to try some reverse psychology.

So go on, do this.

Ruin your holiday. See if we care*.

*We do. This blog is written to be tongue in cheek: disclaimer, disclaimer; etc etc.

1) Put your cat in a backpack and take it to a national park

National parks are firmly no cat zones.

Cats and all other domestic animals pose a threat to endangered birds such as kiwi and whio, and other native species including geckos and insects.

You can’t take your cat. Not in a backpack, not in a harness, or sitting in your lap. Not even if they’re swaddled to your body.

Some places allow dogs under certain conditions, like having them on a lead. The rules aren’t for no reason—rare birds could be nesting! Seals could be dozing! Happy holidayers and responsible pet owners always check if their destination has pet restrictions before they go. They navigate to this page, select the activity, and tick the ‘dogs allowed’ box.

So if you’re hoping to have a miserable summer, then go ahead and risk the lives of endangered native species, get fined, and have your terrible decisions all over the media. Who wants a nice holiday anyway? Overrated.

2) See how close you can get to wildlife

Or even put your baby on a seal. Why wouldn’t that be a good idea?

Sure, seals and kea are cute, but they’re wild animals. As incredible as it sounds, people trying to climb seals, or otherwise get up in their business, isn’t a one off. In some places, fences have had to be put up to stop people taking extreme close-ups with seals and sea lions.

Sounds like a good way to lose your face.

People need to give wildlife space. We know seals sometimes make that hard (they love to pop up in weird places) but you’re the people, they’re the animal, so it’s your job to do the best you can to keep distance between you.

Even though they sometimes look slow and friendly, they can move very fast and have a nasty bite.

The regulation is 20m (about two buses) distance. This also applies if you’re in the water in a boat or a kayak—there are some additional layers to this depending on your vessel and speed, which you can read about here.

Ignore this for a horrible and painful holiday.

3) Risk life and limb to get the shot

You could hover on the edge of cliffs, go off trail, or just otherwise putting yourself in danger to take a photo! Sounds awesome!

Or, instead, you could be aware of your surroundings, especially around water—like being aware of rapids and depths—and avoiding edges and ledges. Barriers and warning signs are there for a reason.

We get the urge to capture the perfect shot. Most of us on David Attenborough’s blue planet have gone to great lengths and made ourselves look silly to capture and share the shot. But dopamine from likes can’t cancel out a broken leg. Or worse.

5) Get eaten alive by sandflies, sizzle your skin off without SPF, die of hypothermia

Heading out into nature? You don’t need to pack much! Just go in your jandals! Drinking water is for weaklings! So is SPF! And rain jackets!

If you really don’t care about your body, comfort or safety; or the cost of your inevitable rescue, what you should do is head out unprepared. Don’t check the weather, don’t see what you need to take for that area. Just live, laugh, love.

It’s not like we have packing lists readily available on the website, and videos too, plus heaps of other resources, guides and advice.

And who cares what the weather is going to be doing, right? It’s not like that could ruin your plans. Weather in Aotearoa New Zealand is always pleasant and consistent. She’ll be right, mate.

4) Do a DIY translocation

One time, someone visiting a national park pocketed a rock and travelled to the other island with it, only to discover that it was a very-alive and very rare native snail, the powelliphanta. And removing that from its natural habitat is an offense under the wildlife act.

Snails are hermaphrodites, so just a single snail could lay eggs and create a new population which could cause problems for other local invertebrates. Even just taking its shell from a national park is illegal, as that provides calcium to other snails in the environment.

This was a genuine mistake. As soon as the snail-nappers realised, they contacted us, so we didn’t prosecute, but still. Doing this would definitely risk holiday happiness.

6) Fish in marine reserves

You’re not allowed to fish in marine reserves and will face massive fines if you do. Who doesn’t want to be financially decimated at Christmas? What a fun and rewarding investment. Not selfish at all.

7) Feed the birds! Ruin their lives!

This is usually done with good intentions. They’re good at acting hungry and people want to help! But long term, this can have massive impacts for birds.

Getting food from people teaches them bad behavior, lowers their natural and very important suspicion of foreign foods, and messes up their systems. They’re only meant to be eating stuff they get themselves from their natural environment.

Unless you’re trying to kill them and endanger the species survival, then yeah, keep at it.

If you actually want to have a great summer, we can help:

Oh, you actually want to have fun this summer? You want to spend time with your family, not risk life or limb, and have an enjoyable time of rest, adventure and recharging?

Then we can help! If you’re heading out into nature, get set for summer.

Use our summer website pages to help you plan for adventure, protect yourself and wildlife, and ultimately enjoy your summer.

Have a good, safe, fun time.